How The Good In Some Can Make The Bad In Others

How can one thing, good, bring about its opposite, bad? It’s like an oxymoron. For more on oxymorons, see Mark Foley.

Like I so love to do, let us use an example to help illustrate how the good in some can bring out the bad in others. I’ll even use one that many people know of. Here it is:

So we’re back in the garden of Eden. Pretty sweet, huh? There are only two people around, and only a couple of rules to follow. Don’t eat from the Tree of Knowledge is one of them. I mean, sure, it’s got apples going for it, but otherwise, who cares? I’ll take eternal life and happiness for our species, thank you. Apples be damned.

So, one day, Eve was taking a stroll through the garden, always finding herself covered up by some leaf or other blowing through the wind. That’s, at least, what I assume from having seen artist’s depictions of her (which MUST be accurate, as art is NOT interpretive, at all). There’s usually something in the way. Anyway.....so she’s walking along, and she’s getting kinda hungry. Her stomach growls a little bit, and she can’t help but wonder aloud as she passes by a few peach trees, "I wish there was something sweet and juicy I could eat. I’m so hungry!"

Satan snake, who happens to overhear Eve’s plight, is filled with sadness for her. No woman so beautiful (She’s the only woman, making her both the most beautiful and the most ugly woman alive) should ever go wanting! He knew he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. For more on standing by and doing nothing, see Dennis Hastert.

So, Satan snake works his way out of the pear tree he’s in, looking for something he can get to her to ease her suffering. Oh, I know suffering didn’t exist, just yet, but I’m sure her slight hunger was rather unpleasant. Satan snake looks around in a hurry, knowing that each second is precious. Grapes, cherries, oranges, kiwis, passion fruit, guava, watermelon, tangerines, bananas, apricots, plums, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, cloudberries, blueberries, salmonberries, loganberries, thimbleberries, mulberries, and even the now extinct berryberries. No, no, no! Not good enough! As Satan snake hurried by the papaya trees, he spotted the fruit that Eve should have! It was shiny, red, and looked like it was full of not-rule-breaking goodness! Perfect!

Satan snake gets up into the tree, and calls out to Eve, who promptly comes over to see what’s going on. Out of the kindness of Satan snake’s heart, he grabs one of the apples for her, and offers it to her, saying: "Eve, you are too good to go wanting. Out of the goodness of my heart, I have picked this fruit for you so you can eat it."

"Wow, thanks!" Eve exclaims, grabbing the fruit. She brings it to her lips, but a red flag goes off before she takes a bite, "Hang on," She mutters, lowering the apple, "Isn’t this the Tree of Knowledge?"

Satan snake looks around, trying to establish whether or not he was in the actual Tree of Knowledge. When he finds he is unable, he simply shrugs. Yes, it did look awkward.

Eve shrugs back, and takes a big old bite of the apple, effectively damning the human race to death and suffering. Oh, but wait, there’s more! Eve decides that she likes the apple, and grabs one for Adam. She thanks her friend for helping her out, and rushes off to feed that apple to Adam.

Now, Adam was the smartest man around (Also the stupidest man around, as he was the ONLY man around), so he could tell something was wrong as he looked the apple over in his hand.

"Come on, I already ate it! Out of the goodness of my heart, I have brought this delicious snack for you to eat, so eat it!" Eve eggs him on.

"Did you get this from the Tree of Knowledge? ‘Cause, uh.....God’s gonna be pissed if you did, and I’d rather not be the one to deal with that," Adam admits sheepishly, still looking the apple over.

"Oh, come on, if I had taken an apple from the Tree of Knowledge, don’t you think God would have already known, and would have come to punish me by now? Why would he sit back and let me give it to you?" The woman asked, an incredulous look on her face.

"Fine, fine, if you say you didn’t get it from the Tree of Knowledge, I believe you," Adam took a bite out of the apple, afraid Eve was going to think of him as less of a man if he didn’t. A few seconds later, he was looking down at himself, realizing he was totally naked. Outside. With a woman. Who was also naked.

"Holy crap, we’re naked!" He exclaimed, dropping the apple and covering himself up with his hands, "We need to find something to put on to cover everything up!"

Eve crossed her arms, looking away moodily, "Not that you have much to cover up, anyway."

Adam hung his head low as he realized that the suffering of mankind was now underway. But it got better! To show the better-ness of the situation, here’s a quote from the Bible, gearing up for the Fall of Man:

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?"

Adam exhaled deeply, mumbling to himself, "Oh shit....." Before going to meet God.

Satan snake’s goodness of heart brought about the Fall of Man, which is a not good. So it is clear that the good in some brings about the bad in others. .....Or, at the very least, the damnation of all humankind.