How To Do An Introduction

Like so:

A lot of people out there like to pussy-foot around serious issues, such as whether I look better in black, or white. You can count on me to take a good long look into the cess pool of the world today as I seek out the answers to some of life's more troubling questions. Examples? Here are some things I should investigate, right off the top of my head:

1. During love-making with your partner, what does it mean when he/she says someone else's name?

2. Why do some men find it impossible to put the toilet seat down? Conversely, what's so wrong with a woman's hand that she can't perform said task, herself?

3. Boxers or briefs?

These are just fleeting thoughts in my head, but if they are in MY head, they MUST be in other people's, as well. Why? Because whatever concerns me should concern the rest of the world. If it doesn't, then there is something wrong with you.

I can say right off the bat that here, in this place, you will NEVER have to worry about being subjected to such bull as: 'Current mood: Thoughtful'. Why? Because if you honestly wanted to read that, I would feel obliged to sabotage your brakes so that the next time you set out for work, you wouldn't have to worry about my mood anymore. Isn't that kind of me?

As my faithful compatriot, Bunny, claims: Bring it bitch!, so do I. Should you have a burning question that needs answering, you've only to ask. If your question manages to be only moderately stupid (As all questions inherently suggest lack of knowledge), perhaps I will formally answer you to fill in that mental gap. Indeed, the greatest of answers you do not find for yourself. I find them for you.

I, Serac, will do what I can to help you through life, and wish you the best of luck in whatever obstacles life throws your way. You not being me means that you'll need it.